Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Day........ What Day is it? :Back to Life

I knew coming home for a bit would be good for my soul! Once I got back into my old routines I barely even remembered I am battling this little beast called cancer. Yes, little beast because when I am cuddling with my kids, making, lunches, doing laundry, cooking meals, cleaning the house, doing the shopping and other daily jobs it becomes a distant thought in my mind. They say to keep living my life, and I definitely am! By the time the kids are in bed I fall into bed myself! No time to dwell on it!

Thanks to my dad and Erika, we had another wonderful distraction (which is another reason I haven't posted in a few days.) We are now Disney World Annual Pass holders and we broke them in this weekend. Florida folks know how exciting this is :) Now we can drop into Disney anytime we want for the next 365 days. These passes also take the "oh my god, I just paid $100 to get in this park I'm doing EVERYTHING, I'm closing this place down" mind set. Or as Brandt likes to call it, The Disney Death March. We actually left the park while the sun was still out because hey, we can come back next weekend if we want to! So needless to say, my mind didn't give any time to cancer this Saturday and Sunday. It was all about seeing the smiles on Jude and Riley's faces at the happiest place on earth!

Schedule Update: As I mentioned in an earlier post we're heading back to Houston this weekend. I found out yesterday that the week will be jam packed with MD Anderson fun. Monday: consult (cardiopulmonary), Tuesday: EBUS ( the biopsy of my lymph nodes), Wednesday: Day off, Thursday: radiation consult (just getting our ducks in a row, in case), and Friday: medical oncologist (hopefully, still waiting for conformation on that one). We fly out on Sunday from Tampa.

Nutrition Update: Still going strong! I'm doing my juicing (kale, broccoli, spinach, celery, cucumber, lemon, ginger, green apple is my go to every morning) Even Brandt is eating the crazy good salads I've been making for lunches. I didn't even fall off the wagon at Disney where smells of funnel cakes, french fries, and hamburgers fill your nose! I may or may not have swiped a couple of Jude's fries....don't judge! I only call that dangling my toe off the wagon!

Hurdles:
-getting everything in order for next week's trip

Jewels:
-Disney weekend (thanks again Dad and Erika!)
-Being home with my family
-mastering this juicing thing!


Saturday, February 22, 2014

Day 5: Operation Green Fridge....check!

Well we have successfully cleaned out Whole Foods, or what we like to call it Whole Paycheck! The fridge is stocked with every vegetable and sprout imaginable and the juicer has been properly broken in as of this afternoon. The plan is choke out this cancer with good nutrition. That is easier said than done though. Prior to this I did consider myself an ok eater. I ate my vegetables, whole grains, and fruits. I tried to be balanced in my meal planning and believed in moderation. I can take or leave meat and sweets (but I usually take them, peer pressure is hell!). I banned McDonalds and those years ago! Fine! Maybe there were 1 or 2 "late night" ,and later regretted, Taco Bell stops over the past couple of years (remember, there's only 1 reason to stop at Taco Bell past midnight, I don't have to say it!) Where do the changes come in then? That leaves me to look at my vices: cheese and starches! Noooooooooooooooo! Everything tastes better between 2 slices of bread and smothered in cheese! Which is where the tough part comes in. This isn't a change that will happen over night but I am working very hard to move in the right direction. So if you see me sprinkling cheese on my salad or on top of bowl of beans, don't judge!!!! The goal is to try to spread these situations farther and farther apart. In the mean time, I will be juicing anything and everything that isn't nailed down and amping up the fresh veggies with every meal. I'm on my way! Who's coming with me?

Dose of reality: Wheat Grass shots, great in theory! But they are an acquired taste to say the least! Today I took my first one and even though my stomach almost rejected it, I'll be doing it again tomorrow. I hear it gets easier, but wow! It tasted like fresh mowed grass straight from the lawn mower! Stay tuned to find out if it really does get easier!

Today's Hurdles:
-These diet changes are a bit overwhelming

Today's Jewels:
-I have a stocked fridge with everything I need to begin this journey (thanks aunt deb, my health guru!)
-I had a full day of this new, healthier menu.....and survived!
Part of the Load
-I kept the wheat grass down....despite my stomach's protests!

Jewels rule!
Kale, Spinach, Celery, cucumber & Lemon Juice...I'll get used to it :)



Thursday, February 20, 2014

Day 4: There's no place like home!

The waiting will continue but now it will be from the comfort of my own home, with my family! As promised, the MD Anderson scheduler called me bright and early. Unfortunately his news was not exactly what we were hoping for. The bronch is now scheduled, but not until March 3rd!  That's over 1 week away! At first we were all very discouraged, but then we realized that it's actually a blessing in disguise. As you could probably tell, I was missing Brandt and the kids something fierce! It's going to be good for my soul to be able to see their faces each day!
I'm not going to lie though....at first I worried about waiting yet ANOTHER week or so. I want this out of me! I don't want it to grow and spread! I want to be healthy again! To calm these fears, I was reassured that cancer spreads over months and years, not days and weeks :) So March 3rd it is! We'll head back to Houston next weekend and try again.
As we wait this week we won't be sitting around doing nothing. The fight continues with or without the doctors and their fancy procedures. The focus this week: nutrition. As I mentioned earlier, this battle will be fought on many fronts. Stay tuned for posts of all the green juices, bunches of fresh veggies and other cancer fighting foods that will be making their way into my house and body this week! Brandt is going to kill me! Hmmmmm..............I wonder if Cheetos have cancer fighting properties? :)

Shout Out: Thanks to everyone for their comments, love and support. I'm so glad you're enjoying reading the blog. Each comment I read brings a smile to my face and inspiration to my heart.

Today's Hurdles:
-No bronch until March 3rd

Today's Jewels:
TBT: Back home with these crazies! Love them!
-I'm home with my family!!!!

The hurdles and jewels may be tied today, but for those of you that really, really know me you know that being home with family holds quadruple the weight of any hurdle I run into!!!! Jewels win again!


Bye, Bye Houston!

Day 3: Waiting....and waiting

Today we channeled our inner teenage girl.......we sat and waited by the phone, jumping every time it rang only to find it was another family member checking in to see if "we'd heard anything?" It's maddening to know something needs to be done and have no control over when it gets done. We did call and apply the pressure I promised yesterday, but didn't get far. According to the scheduler, pulm is the slowest moving department in the whole place.  With that being said, we were left with the guarantee that we'd hear from someone by 10 am tomorrow. Fingers crossed for a confirmed bronch for Friday! I'm ready to get this show on the road already!
Woo hoo for retail therapy though! We were able to squeeze in a little shopping today to help take our minds off the absence of that oh so important call. I'm super excited about my new Kris Carr book, Crazy Sexy Diet (thanks Erica and Tata for the recommendation!) I was so inspired by her first book, Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips, that I couldn't wait to snatch this one up. I realize that this battle isn't only going to be fought in the hospital, I have to strengthen my mind, body, and spirit. Kris Carr has given me the fuel to light that fire, well her and  the fact that life slammed me into a brick wall....lets just call it her though ;)

Dose of inspiration for my loving yet worried family back home: We've run into person after person here in Houston that are battling or have battled cancer,  many times far worse than what I'm facing, and are thriving! This is one battle I can win too (unlike the words with friends games against uncle joe.....what the crap?) I'm young, strong, and like my mom said......bitchy enough to sail through this!

Today's hurdles:
-no bronch scheduled yet
-as always....missing everyone back home, especially brandt and the kids

Today's jewels:
-jude is fever free.....daddy took good car of him!
-getting my new book
-hearing the inspirational stories of the other hotel guests

Close.....but luckily close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades! Sill a win! Go jewels ;)


Wednesday, February 19, 2014

day 2: "I'm not crazy, my mom had me tested!"

"I'm not crazy, my mom had me tested!"

I was woken up today with a call from C, Dr. W's PA, the MRI results were in and I indeed have a brain (my dad still isn't convinced, he wants a second opinion!) ;) More importantly the scan was clear! What a great way to wake up! The rest of the day was free from all the medical stresses. While we're still waiting for calls to schedule more tests we took our bit of good news and ran with it! Today we were carefree tourists. The weather was beautiful so we took advantage of it and spent the afternoon at the Houston Zoo. It turns out this city has more to offer than the drab landscape and sterile medical buildings we first associated it with. We look forward to exploring more of these gems hidden within the city!

Tomorrow team Hawes is back to work! We want to nail down the schedule for this bronch (the last test before we decide our course if treatment). Calls will need to be made and gentle pressure may have to he applied, but it's all in a days work! After that, who knows?! The Container Store has been calling my name!

"When life knocks you down, roll over and look at the stars."- thanks for the quote Jenni! Today I was able to do a lot of looking at the stars and it felt great!

Today's hurdles:
-saying good bye to my dad and aunt kathy as they headed back to wpb
-missing brandt and the kiddos
-not being there for my Jude dude who is sick with a 100.8 fever :(

Today's jewels:
-a clear MRI scan
-spending the day like a tourist rather than a patient
-getting out and enjoying the fresh air at the zoo with great company, thanks mom and aunt deb.
- sleeping until 10 am.......yeah I said it, 10!
-seeing the wonderful faces of brandt and the kiddos via skype

Jewels win again! Let's keep this streak universe!

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

day 1: official cancer patient. Scary!

It got real!

The early bird gets the worm, at least that's what my mom, a.k.a the gestapo, thought as she police banged on our door this morning! I have to admit, if I've said it once I've said it a thousand times........she's right!  We waltzed in just in the nick of time! As we took in our surroundings it got real for all of us. This was a cancer hospital and a massive one at that. MD Anderson didn't occupy 1 high rise building,  but multiple high rise buildings that stretched out as far as the eye could see. I am a cancer patient. Yikes! As scary as that was to say, I didn't feel as isolated as I had as I was coming to terms with it in the days prior. These buildings were filled with thousands of people just like me. Many of which had smiles on their faces. I had been told that this was the place to be and now I felt it. As the day progressed this fact became even more apparent.
We visited every floor of the hospital for every test imaginable and rarely waited more than 10 minutes. These people were efficient! Day 1 was registration, financial (exactly how many of my children would they be taking as payment), blood work, ekg,  pulmonary function test, and chest xray. All went smoothly. Dr. W (the big man in charge) and his team also spent a great deal of time talking to us.

The news: (for the concerned fam at home)
Not much new. They just confirmed what the docs back home just couldn't believe but we knew and have come to terms with,  it is cancer. Their plan is to do another bronch this week to biopsy the lymph nodes to stage it and proceed with treatment. The reason being is that the stage will determine the order of events. Early stage= surgery then chemo. Mid stage= chemo then surgery. After much thought about it we decided that the docs can concern themselves with stages.....our focus will be doing whatever it is we have to to get well....we don't need a stage for that. But if you insist......we'll create one: stage KICK CANCER'S ASS ;) Unfortunately this delays our return plans a little. We're here for at least the week. :(

One last test was ordered before our day was over and it was an MRI....dunh dunh dunh! Don't worry, I didn't freak out and try to claw my way out of the tube like you ( and I) would expect.  I sailed through the process with a little help from my friend..... ativan. What MRI? :)

Today's hurdles:
-being catapulted into reality
-realizing it would be a little longer before I'd see brandt and the kiddos
-admitting that our golden corral lunch was tasty,

Today's jewels:
-family by my side *thanks mom, dad, aunt kathy and of course aunt deb
-1 step closer to putting this all behind us
-meeting Yolanda at the pulm function test, her bright smile, positive attitude, and encouraging spirit put our day on a completely different path. People come into your life when you need it most.
- making it through the MRI without looking like a crazy person!
-skyping with brandt and the kids

Jewels out number the hurdles. SCORE!
The Posse
Massive!
ativan and I preparing for the 
MRI......notice the smile :) he had kicked in!

here we are.....now what?

Welcome to Houston!

Not even 1 week post diagnosis and here we are in Houston, at the best place we can be to begin this battle MD Anderson Cancer  center (I purposely put the strike through the word cancer. Witty, huh? Unfortunately not my cleverness, but theirs. It's their logo. I like this place already!). After a fairly easy flight and less than easy commute from the airport, my posse ( mom, dad, aunt deb and aunt kathy) and I can finally relax and get some rest. Yeah right! I miss Brandt,  I wonder what they'll say tomorrow, I miss my kids, how long will it take to get to the hospital, I hope jude and riley have an easy week, what questions do I have for the doc?  Ahhhhh, shut up brain! Jude had it right, "your brain's gonna go where your brain's gonna go." Oh the wisdom of 5 year olds! Sleep is over rated........said no Casella EVER! Zzzzzzzzzzzz.

journeys

The journey begins......

As someone who loves a good journey (in the traveling sense of the word of course), this is one that I never thought I'd be on! But here I am, or should I say here we are. My amazing family and friends are unfortunately dragged along this bumpy road with me. That's ok, I promise to make it up to them in baked goods galore when we get on the otherside of this! On your marks, get set, go!