You take the good, you take the bad.....da da da da da da da....the facts of life!

You take the good, you take the bad.....da da da da da da da....the facts of life!

Well the past couple of weeks have brought both the good and the bad. Again, I apologize for the lack of posting! Believe me, I've been yelled at by all of my family members about it! I've gone from having friends and family visiting me and keeping my spirits high to the dreaded "symptoms" the doctors warned  me about visiting and keeping me in bed! These past two weeks have seen it all. Please forgive me!

I, again, got to show off the city of Houston to two new visitors, Anna and Erica. We spent a lot of time reminiscing, laughing, and just being silly! If there are two people that can keep a girl smiling, they are! Unfortunately, they were also there to see the beginning of these symptoms that started rearing their ugly heads. Mainly the fatigue and the difficulty swallowing. I was so hoping I could avoid them!! Not so lucky! The girls were good sports though :) They made me rest when I needed to and Erica even watched a Dave Matthew's Band concert from start to finish on TV with me to cheer me up! What can I say? They love me! And dare I say, Erica loves DMB now? I have a verbal commitment from her & Roby to go see them in Charlotte with us this summer!

So the symptoms. I was warned from the beginning that they would show up but I started to believe that I may out smart them! It was already week 5 and I had only felt a little nausea. I was sure my green juice was working magic on all the junk that was being pumped into my body. The fatigue I could deal with. I like naps anyway  :) The swallowing issue was a little harder to come to terms with. Anytime something messes with my food intake, I'm not happy! I'm a Casella.....I love to eat! I first noticed it with pizza. I felt pain in the center of my chest (my esophagus) when I swallowed the crust. Of course, I ignored it and continued to eat. Hello, it was pizza! In fact, I ignored it for most of the week. I'd pause a little as I swallowed but would keep on going. When I spoke to the doc, he told me it was time for the meds. It was soon apparent to me that he was right! It got to the point where even mashed potatoes were hurting to swallow! Even with the meds the next week was pretty rough in the food department.

Here I am entering my last full week of treatment and I think I have the kinks in the meds figured out. I was able to eat a little bit of Easter dinner comfortably, which made my mom and Aunt Kathy very happy! I'm still focusing on soft foods and even.......ugh....ensure shakes to get in as much nutrition as possible. Only 8 treatments left and then it will begin to heal and I will be able to eat! This to shall pass!

The biggest boost to my spirits has again come from all of you! Last week my family did an amazing job hosting 2 events in my honor that were complete successes! I am floored by the support that my family, friends, and strangers have shown. The bowling alley fundraiser was a blast and Chili's was jam packed! I wish I could have been there with all of you. Thank you to everyone who came out and especially to my dad, erika, aunt mary, aunt kathy, and julia for your planning expertise! You guys are the best!

So here we go with my last full week of treatment. I may not be able to eat much and I may need to take frequent naps.....but I have a support system that others would kill for and I'm still.....Happy. (You have to sing that Happy like Pharrell) :) Let's go!

Hurdles:
-The symptoms
-food
-not being able to spend Easter in WPB with Brandt and the usual Casella family  festivities
-not being with my students for FCAT

Jewels:
-Anna and Erica! You guys are amazing :)
-Having Aunt Deb and Aunt Kathy here! You guys are invaluable! Aunt Deb helped with every aspect of care for my mom, the kids and me! I don't think she stopped the whole time she was here! And Aunt Kathy brought the Casella love I was missing and made food that I was able to get down!
-My mom. I can't say enough how much I love her! She has been here every step of the way doing EVERYTHING! I'm so glad she's with me in Houston. Talk about a rock!
-My dad and Erika. Thank you for all of your hard work for that bowling fundraiser! You know how much I wished I could have been there!
-This week brings Brandt, my dad, brother and Jenni!!!! I can't wait!

-Angie and Tod's life group from Tallahassee. They have reached out to me and sent well wishes and prayers everyday last week! Each time I went to the mail there was another uplifting card. Thank you, Thank you!
-Uncle Vinny! Thank you for sending the coffee cake! I doubled up on meds to eat it, but It was so worth it!
-My work family! The cards from the various teams have brightened my days! I can't wait to see you guys to thank you in person! Love you all!

My world!!!! This melts my heart!

Anna, Erica and the kiddos at the park!

Yum! Thanks Uncle Vinny!!!

Happy Easter!

From the trenches!

Kicking off week four with a post from the trenches (a.k.a my chemo room shown above.....for those of you who are wondering what this whole deal looks like!) What better way to spend the 3 hours it takes to pump this junk into my system? Well at least until I fall asleep.....one of those concoctions makes me ridiculously sleepy!
Once I leave here I have to run (literally) down to radiation. They cut things so close around here! Then it's off to pick up Anna from the airport! Anna has been a lot of things to me throughout my life: my cousin,  my best friend, and my roommate for a bit! It only makes sense that she's here now! I'm sure the next week will be jam packed with Casella girls craziness!
With another round of chemo came another jewel for my bracelet via my mom and Mikey. This time the jewel of choice was balance.  I'm loving this bracelet and the little rays of sunshine it's giving throughout this whole ordeal. When I least expect it, I get another reminder of 1. how amazing my family is and 2. that I have everything I need to win this battle! Bring on week 4!

Hurdles:
-saying good-bye to my dad. Just having him here felt good. Something about having your parents around during these times of need makes you feel protected and taken care of regardless of the situation. Even if he refused to watch anything except History Channel, Supernatural, and all of those junk picker shows! Luckily, he'll be back in a couple of weeks!

Jewels:
-Another fun weekend in San Antonio thanks to my mom! It's so refreshing to get away on the weekends!
-my mom is here and cooking for me! Woo Hoo!!! But more than that, just having her here makes things feel right. She is not only my mom, but my cheerleader, shoulder to cry on, and best friend! So glad she felt the need to rush back because I was secretly hoping she would!
-Brandt was able to stay for another week! My support system is #1 in this battle!
-Anna's coming today!

River Walk with the fam

My Dad's last day of yoga

Ice Cream!

Alamo family selfie!

Told you it makes me sleepy!

With a little help from my friends!

Thank you Alea! This has been my anthem!

Friday marks the end of week 3! I'm at the half way point and I'm still feeling good overall. Like I said in my last post, I have my ehhhh days but they're tolerable. My blah feelings towards food midweek cause me to lose a few pounds but I make up for it on the weekend when I'm ravenous so I stay in the dietitians good graces! Dr. Wonderful said I was making his job too easy due to my lack of complaints! Ha! Easy for him? No complaints makes it easy for me! They keep warning that the side effects will kick in here any time, but I'm secretly hoping they won't! The way I see it is, I'm already half way finished.....if those side effects can stay at bay another week or two then I'll only have to live with them for a couple of weeks until treatment ends. I can do anything for a couple of weeks. Remind me I said this when I'm in week 5 and 6! Everything else is going well. Surprisingly, my dad is doing well in Yoga! Who would have thought?! He actually said he likes it! Tomorrow will be his last session before he heads back to WPB and I'm pretty sure he's going to miss it! I'm so proud of him :) We'll see if I can talk him into going to a class back home! I on the other hand, am pretty sure I have T-Rex arms because they don't seem long enough to do some of the things they're asking me to do! LOL! Hopefully that improves before the end!
This past week also brought two West Palm Beach V.I.P's to Houston. Shout out to Tiffany and Cheri for making the 17 hour drive to Texas to spend some quality time with their friend :). It's crazy how just having some friends visiting from back home can make everything feel so normal again. They represented my entire work family and amazingly enough, they truly made it feel like I was walking the halls of COT again with everyone there. It felt great! I showed them what I could of Houston and then when we ran out of things to see.....we drove to San Antonio to see what they had to offer! Take that Cancer! We even had a theme song for the weekend...."The stars at night, are big and bright......DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS!" Pee Wee Herman was right.....if you start singing that anywhere in Texas, the locals will finish it! Ask Cheri! Jude and Riley are even starting to finish it when we start singing. Should I be worried? :) Next up on the visitor list, Anna! Let's see what trouble we can get into when she gets here!

Hurdles:
-blah days

Jewels:
-having brandt, the kids, my mom, and my dad here with me! Wow! Love it! I need my brother here now!
-having a great weekend with two super star friends!
-the pizza I had in San Antonio.....tasted just like the pizza I ate in Italy...no lie!!!
-getting mail! I love all the cards and notes :) Brandt brought up the mail I got at home and then some came here to the Texas address too! You guys rock! I heard from college friends, co-worker friends, past co-worker friends, and family members! The simplest thing makes the biggest difference in someones day :) Thank you!
-the lack of side effects so far...fingers crossed!

The famous pizza I had in San Antonio...OMG! 

Cowboys and girls! Hey, we're in Texas......we had to!

My world!

I finally made it to the Container Store!

One of Houston's pretty spots!

My little scientist at the Children's museum!

Orange and Blue flowers all along I-10 between Houston and San Antonio! Beautiful! We may or may not have pulled over and frolicked in them....and picked them.

West Palm VIP's  on the River walk in San Antonio!

Oh my! I love her! Riley the diva!

1 week down!

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! What a week! First week of treatment + having the kiddos here + settling into the apartment + trying to spend as much time as possible with the visiting fam = exhausted! I had every intention of writing each evening, but after the kids were in bed and I was faced with the choice to write or sleep.......I chose sleep every time! What can I say, my Casella blood runs deep! We like to sleep! But here I am, 1 week in, and I still feel great! There were a few days following chemo that I had a queasy stomach and just felt kinda yuck, but by Thursday evening things were looking up and I started to feel like eating again. I have to admit, even the queasy days weren't terrible though. I just felt ehhhhhhh. I couldn't find anything that really sounded good to eat until I discovered smoothies later in the week! So now for this week, my fridge is stocked with all the veggies and fruit I'll need to stay nourished during those ehhhhhh days: spinach, kale, broccoli, greek yogurt, coconut milk, chia seed, flax, banana, blueberries and strawberries. This is my sister-in-laws specialty smoothie! Thanks Angie!  Don't worry Mikey....I'll juice everyday too! :) As far as treatment goes, the week was relatively painless. Chemo on Monday, radiation everyday. The radiation got better as the week went on. Less discomfort with laying in that mold and the sessions weren't nearly as long as that first day. All of that combined with them streaming the Dave Matthew's Pandora station in made it almost enjoyable! DMB saved my radiation sessions, now I just have to try to stay still on that table while my body says it wants to get up and do some fancy feet! July can't come fast enough!! I'll be ready for my 2 day DMB concert bender....get ready Abbotts!
One new development this week that I'm super excited about is the yoga sessions they offered me 2 times a week to help with relaxation! They're doing a research study to see if it has positive effects for lung cancer patients. They're looking at the effect it has on relaxation for the patient and also at the effect on the lungs themselves. There is a big focus on breathing during the sessions in hopes of keeping the lungs flexible. It didn't take much convincing.....yoga, relaxation, the caregiver goes too, AND a total of $50 in target gift cards for each person! What?!!!! Score! This study had my name written all over it! My mom will be joining me for most sessions (she's as excited as I am) and my dad will be joining me for the rest (he's less excited, but for anyone who knows him.......you wish you could be a fly on the wall in that room, huh! LOL!) I keep teasing him by saying we have to hurry and get him his yoga pants! He doesn't think it's very funny though! My mom and I started last week and it was great! I didn't even realize I could get into deep relaxation like that! Amazing! Like I said, the main focus is the relaxation and breathing. Half of the hour is spent with joint exercises and poses (with proper breathing of course) and the other half with the deep relaxation and meditation. So far my mom and I are sold! My dad starts this week.....I'll let you know how it goes! ;)
The week wasn't all doctor visits though! Uncle Jamie, Sam and Aunt Deb were here visiting and helping along with my mom and Joe. It really was great to be able to spend some time with them. Sometimes life gets in the way and too long goes by without spending time with the people you love. This week made me realize that I need to get to Tampa, Omaha, and Kansas City more often to visit both sides of my family that reside there. Family is everything! Make room on your couches familia! Needless to say, we had a great time. Lots of showing them around Houston, laughter and catching up! The love was defiantly felt! Priceless! Unfortunately, my apartment got really quiet on Saturday as I said goodbye to all of them. Uncle Jamie and Sam drove back to Kansas, Aunt Deb hopped a flight to Tampa and Mom and Joe started the long drive back to WPB. It was a bummer but it wasn't long before the next wave of visitors and helpers made their way in. My dad got in Sunday morning and Brandt Sunday night. Now the house is filled again and it feels good. The kids were adorable with Brandt when he got in! Both fell asleep in his arms trying to talk over each other to tell him about the zoo, and Rain Forest Cafe, and the train! We all fell asleep last night feeling complete! I think I was able to squeeze one of his fingers as we drifted off, the kids hogged him! It makes everything so much better to have him here!
So that catches us up to this week. I had Chemo this morning and it was a super long session! It took forever to get in there and then it took the nurses quite awhile and quite a few tries to get the IV started. I hope it isn't that hard every time! My arms are all beat up, but luckily they have a week to recover since Chemo is only Monday's! I still feel good right now but based on last week's session...Tuesday and Wednesday are my ehhhhh days. Lots of sleep, water, fresh air, smoothies and Jude and Riley hugs are on my agenda for the next 2 days. I'll be fine! Plus who knows, I may be able to get Brandt and my Dad to wait on me hand and foot!
Keep checking back this week! I promise to be better with posting!

Hurdles:
-the ehhhhhh days (Tuesday and Wednesday)
-saying goodbye to my visitors (especially my mom!)

Jewels:
-My dad and Brandt made it here safely
-1 week down! Only 6 more to go!
-I feel great 5 out of 7 days of the week!
-radiation sessions are much more tolerable (thanks Dave Matthews Band)
-spending a wonderful week with Uncle Jamie, Aunt Deb and Sam. They were the best cheerleaders, nurses, babysitters, make you feel good-ers a girl could ask for!
-2 new "jewels" for my Pandora bracelet: STRENGTH, embrace your inner force. you are more powerful than you realize and POSITIVITY, the light that you cast will shine warm and bright to all and everything. I just love the symbolism behind this gift, my mom is a true star!
-The continued out pour of support from family, friends, friends of friends, and strangers! You guys are amazing and wonderful. Greenacres Bowl, COT Kirklane, GONZ Auto Collision and Palms Wellington surgical center to name a few. Not to mention the countless individuals who have reached out to try to make my life a littler easier.  So far donations have helped us get to Texas for the 3rd time this month, get an apartment in Houston and everything that goes with it (you take all the little stuff you have in your home for granted until you get to a new place and ask, "Where are the pens? Uh oh, Jude needs a band-aid, where are the? Pass the cutting board. Can you go get the broom? Hey, put those leftovers in a Tupperware.....Target has seen a lot of me this past week!), pay medical bills (OMG! I have to pay how much extra for an over 45 minute doctor's visit that I'm pretty sure wasn't over 45 minutes and for the breathing treatment that I didn't need...both the medicine and the throwaway case they put it in), pay insurance premiums for the kids that had to come out of pocket after I went on leave, fix our van that died as soon as I left for Texas and countless other things like parking in the ridiculously expensive parking garage at MD Anderson! Thank You, Thank You! Your generosity has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated! We are forever in debt to you!

I say week 1 was mine! Hurdles didn't stand a chance!

Can you spot the photo bombers?

The idea was so great, we all ended up with one! Go team!

Oh my god! I love these kids!

The week 1 team!!

Jude really wasn't angry, I think he was trying to be tough...even though he was scared of the animals at the Rain Forest Cafe!

This may or may not be a wig possibility when the time comes. You just have to wait and see!

                                   

Luck O' The Irish!

Happy St. Patrick's Day from Houston! I felt like it was a pretty good sign that my treatments started on St. Paddy's day! I marched in that hospital proudly wearing my green gear! I wasn't about to get pinched today! I was going to be poked enough as it was! Although nerves were high, everything went smoothly! My chemo was scheduled for 8:00 but started a little later. I was hooked up and ready to go but they had to pump me full of the protection before the show got on the road. Benedryl, a steroid, and anti nausea meds. Finally after about an hour I was primed and ready! I got a combo of two chemo meds and all in all it took about another hour and a half to complete. Luckily it went off without a hitch. I never felt sick or anything. I got pretty tired but had plenty of time laying in a hospital bed to remedy that! The next day or so will include anti nausea meds around the clock to try to prevent it from creeping up on me. I've been great so far, let's keep it going! By Wednesday I should be able to go without the meds, until next Monday when we start again! If every treatment goes like today then......I got this!
After a lunch break with the fam (so excited to see Uncle Jamie and Sam!) and a Target stop (oh come on, you know Mary Hawes would find a way to fit that in, even on Chemo days!) we headed to my first radiation treatment. This one wasn't as smooth as the chemo. You wouldn't expect that, huh? It was all about my positioning on the table. The part of the mold that held my head was all screwed up and bumpy but I didn't realize until treatment was under way. By halfway through my neck was strained so much and it felt like my head was on a bag of rocks! The worst part was that I couldn't move an inch! I had to stay perfectly still in that horrible position, grit my teeth and bear it. Unfortunately, today's treatment ran longer because they had to make sure everything was lined up and take some measurements. They also had to trace the radiation field onto my chest with permanent marker It will need to stay there for the next 7 weeks, ahhhhhh! Wait till you see this massive thing! The whole process ended up being about 40 minutes and a pain in my neck, literally! I couldn't jump off that table fast enough! Tomorrow's will be better though, the ladies assured me that we could put some towels or something in the head piece to make it more comfortable. Plus it will only be about 15- 20 minutes long! It will be fine! On the plus side, there is no pain involved in the radiation process itself. You don't even realize anything is being done! As time goes on there will be side effects because it is cumulative, but I plan to control those as perfectly as the chemo side effects! All in all today still falls far onto the success side! Now that I have the first day under my belt I'm ready to rock and roll!
In other news, we are settled into the apartment nicely! The kids are here with me and loving Texas. Brandt will be here next week and my picture will be complete! I'm so excited that not only will I have them here with me, but there will also be another family member or friend here at all times! It's so exciting to fill in the names of my family-friend nurses on the calendar! It will help make this not so normal situation feel a little more normal! I look forward to making each of them fetch something unnecessary for me on my command! Just kidding guys :)
I can't complete this post without rewinding to the week I spent at home and doing some shout outs for my family and friends that went over and beyond to help prepare me for my journey!
1.Mom and Joe- That Pandora"Jewels" bracelet was a phenomenal idea!! Their amazingly thoughtful plan: as I move through this process, I will receive another jewel for my bracelet that signifies a trait I already possess. My bracelet began with a purple one for faith. I love it and the sentiment behind it!
2. Aunt Kathy- Wheatgrass shots all around! I was brought to tears when you pulled out wheatgrass shots for everyone at Riley's party as a way to show you guys are all on this journey with me. I never doubted it for a minute, but as I looked around at everyone's pained faces as they took it down, I was doubly assured!!! I have the best family and friends around!
3.Julia and Jose: Those sunglasses are perfect! Thanks for sending me to Texas being able to see through clear, non scratched lenses! Every time I wear them I think of you guys...which is a lot because......I wear my sunglasses at night (you have to sing that last line!) :)
4. Aunt Mary and Janet: My Coach "treatment" bag is amazing! I am the most stylish girl in that hospital! Anyone can rock chemo when they're carrying such a puuuuuurdy bag! Love it! (dis you hear that Texas coming out when I said puuuuuuuurdy?!) :)
5. My COT family- I said it before, and I'll say it again, I am truly blessed to work with the most amazing bunch of people! I have been floored by the support that has surrounded me from the halls of COT. From your donations, to your prayers, cards and messages to the jeans & coffee fundraisers. I have no words to show the gratitude I feel in my heart. I love you all and look forward to seeing you guys in May! You are the best!

To Celebrate St. Patrick's Day, I'll leave you with an Irish Blessing I found:

May God give you,

For every storm, a rainbow,

For every tear, a smile,

For every care, a promise,

And a blessing for each trial,

For every problem life sends,

A faithful friend to share,

For every sigh, a sweet song,

And an answer for each prayer.

Hurdles:
-the pain in my neck from laying in that stupid position for 40 minutes!!!
-missing Brandt again

Jewels:
-having the kiddos here with me!
-a great 1st day of treatment with 0 side effects!
-being settled in my "Houston" home
-having my mom, joe, aunt deb, uncle jamie and sam here with me for the week!

Gettin' the juice!

My jewels bracelet!

Wheatgrass for EVERYONE!

All marked up for radiation! What the crap! This thing is huge!

Stories to tell the grandkids one day!

Well I'm home, and that was no easy feat! We set out Monday morning to hit 2 doctors appointments, finalize the apartment choice and jump on the plane home. I wish it would have been that easy and relaxed! Instead it was a mad dash from one thing to the next without a second to breathe or eat for that matter and then crawling into my own bed at 4:00 am!
It all started with an appointment that ran long! Which in turn, bled over into the next appointment slot. Usually that's ok at MD Anderson, except for this time of course. By the time I got out of the exam room Aunt Deb was cussing at people and my mom was on the verge of tears. I didn't know what I walked out into! Turns out since the appointment ran over, the next one I had scheduled got canceled. Unfortunately that was the MOST important appointment! It was the CT simulation that lays the ground work for the radiation that is set to begin Monday the 17th. No simulation, no radiation. They assured us that they could get us in the next day....too bad we had purchased plane tickets for that afternoon! Not to mention, the we had checked out of the hotel and the rental car was due in at 4:00 pm. We spent the next hour stressing and making calls to try to fix the situation in the comfort of starbucks! By the grace of god, Dr. Wonderful called (I think he was afraid of Aunt Deb) and told us they could squeeze me in at 3:00 that afternoon for the simulation after all. I still wonder how many legs she had to break to get that arranged! Oh well, I still said "Score!" I guess I should also say that yes, we took the appointment but we still weren't fully convinced we'd make it to the airport in time, but we were going to try. This will be important later in my dramatic retell of the events of March 10, 2014!
After that we headed out to tour 2 apartments and I got a call from the hospital asking me to come in for blood work and a chemo training, I looked at the clock and saw that I had 2 hours until the CT simulation so I said sure. The small detail I forgot at the time was that, although we leaped an hour forward with daylight savings.....the clock I was looking at didn't! Welcome back sick feeling in my stomach! Luckily we caught on to the error in my thinking pretty quickly and hightailed it out of the apartment tours and over to the hospital. The stars aligned and they took me right in for chemo training. I listened like a good girl, I held my jokes and questions and kept my eye on the clock. Who would have thought that I could shave 15 minutes off an appointment by just keeping my mouth shut!!! Ha! After the trainer walked out to get paperwork I left my mom and aunt deb there to collect it and I ran down for blood work. Again, the stars aligned and I went straight it. Bing, bang, boom...blood drawn and still 10 minutes to spare to get to the CT simulation! I was on fire. Apparently all departments at MD Anderson move with lightening speed, except the one I was in for that first appointment early in the day!
The simulation was painless! They basically make quick mold of your body so that you will be in the same position for each treatment. Next they do a scan so they can target the areas that they will hit with the treatments. During this time they also mark them on my body so I am currently walking around with these crazy purple marks on my chest that have to stay on for the next seven weeks. Don't ask! I don't know how I'll wash around them in shower either. I guess we'll see! I have a feeling they're going to have to reapply frequently!
After we flew out of the radiation department, we jumped into the car can took off to the airport. We were cutting it dangerously close! We thought we were finally safe when we checked in and got boarding passes right before the window closed. We even contemplated doing a big dramatic high five. Thank goodness we didn't! As we rounded the corner we saw that the security check point line was about 50 deep! It might be worth saying that before my CT simulation I took an ativan so even though my story sounds as though I was breathless and worried......I was cool as a cucumber! There wasn't much that was going to worry me for the next couple of hours! My mom on the other hand was frantic (I'm kinda tapping into her point of view to tell a good story!) She bit her finger nails down to nubs by the time we reached the end of the line, unfortunately that was also when the overhead speaker announced that our flight was on it's final boarding call and they'd be closing the aircraft door in 5 minutes. Me: still cool as a cucumber......my mom: pretty much crying at this point! We finished with security and literally ran to the gate, my mom didn't even take the time to put her shoes back on. When I say we made it by the skin of our teeth.....we made it by the skin of our teeth! They were shutting the gate as we skidded to a stop in front of gate A19. They waved us in and we could finally breathe!
The rest of the flight to Charlotte was pretty uneventful, except some weird noises that, had I not been on ativan I would have been worried about, but..............cool as a cucumber. We landed and the pilot came on to say that the passengers who were supposed to stay on the plane to continue on to New York after we got off, would also have to gather their belongings and deplane due to an "unscheduled aircraft change". I took that as, "something's going on with this plane, it won't make it to New York, we have to get a new one", but I could have been wrong though. That nervousness I started to feel is the hint that my ativan is wearing off. :)
We grabbed a bite to eat and got on to our connecting flight with plenty of time to spare. We took off on schedule and I even started to drift off to sleep until about 10 minutes into the flight when I heard a continuous "beep, beep, beep" alarm sound. At first I figured it would stop, but when it didn't I started to worry (ativan gone from my system, clearly) Everyone was starting to take notice and you could tell they too were nervous. The pilot came on the speaker to bring us up to speed, "this is the flight deck here, some of you in the front of the plane may have heard the loud bang, we hit a bird and will be turning around and going back to Charlotte to assess the damage to the aircraft." Ummmmmmmmmmmm, what?
When we finally landed back in Charlotte I was able to breathe again. After assessing the plane they decided that it was not safe to fly due to the damage to the windshield and thank goodness we weren't going just a little faster because it would have gone through the windshield completely if we had been! That last part about it going through the glass was only overheard when the pilot was talking to someone else, it wasn't a general announcement!Either way......ahhhhhhhh! They were able to bring a different plane around for us to take instead. After boarding the new plane we sat in there for over an hour while they got it ready to go. After the events of the day that hour was not good for my mind! I tried to convince my mom and aunt deb that we should probably forget the plane and just rent a car for the rest of the trip. After all, how many times during the day did the universe tell us we shouldn't have flown that night....go back and reread the story you'll see how clear it should have been to us!
They wouldn't budge on the whole flying thing so we stayed and finally took off a little after 1 am. I rested with one eye open on that flight! Luckily, we landed safely at around 3 am in West Palm. By the time I walked in my door I could barely keep my eyes open. I hugged my husband and peeked in on my sleeping kids with a smile on my exhausted face. Jude woke a little and gave me the biggest hug ever, wrapping his arms around my neck and saying how much he missed me and loved me. I fell asleep with those little arms around me and the smile still on my face. It was all worth it. The stress, frustration, the breathless rushing, the near death by birding, and the panic....I'm home! I get to go to sleep with my family every night for the next week and wake up to them in the morning. Heaven!

Hurdles:
-the constant rushing today
-the flights!

Jewels:
-ativan- kept me calm for some parts of this crazy day
-we picked the apartment (I forgot to mention that in the craziness of the story!)
-I'm home with my family!
-that moment when Jude woke a little to hug me and tell me how much he missed me and loved me and then fell asleep cuddled up to me: priceless!

And the search begins

Well as a temporary Houstonian, the first order of business was to find somewhere to live! We spent yesterday and today searching the web and the city for a place to call our "right now home." This has been no small task! You forget that you're not just looking for an apartment, but a furnished apartment, with included utilities, that will do month to month leases! Luckily, with this being a city that caters to the hospitals and the patients they treat, we had some options. None of them would be what you call affordable, but you gotta do what you gotta do! I think we're going to settle on a two bedroom unit about 1.5 miles from the hospital. Once I fill it with my family it will be perfect!!! As for that, the plans for who will spend the next couple of months here with me are as complicated as my medical situation! It will be a revolving door of my mom, dad, brandt and the kids, aunts, cousins and friends! And I wouldn't have it any other way! I look forward to my time with all of them. They each add a special flavor to the recipe of my wonderful life! My hope is that Brandt and the kids can be here for a good chunk of the time rather than a week here or there. We'll see! Fingers crossed!!!
Today also included another day of seeing the beauty Houston has to offer. We spent the afternoon at Herman park. The weather was as beautiful as the park itself! It was a wonderful way to relax and unwind after a pretty taxing week. I picture myself spending many future afternoons walking the paths, enjoying the gardens, and chasing the kids through the park! It's amazing what a little fresh air can do for your mental state! I also have to add that we had a delicious dinner at Pappadeux, thanks for the recommendation Ruben and Brittany!
Tomorrow should be pretty low key, but Monday will be the CT simulation that lays the ground work for the radiation treatments that will begin the following week. After that we will hop a flight for West Palm Beach, Florida and I will be HOME! I can't wait to get back to my husband and kiddos, even if it's only a week, I'm making the best of it!

Hurdles:
-honestly...none!

Jewels:
-a relaxing day at the park
-my silly friends that crack me up with every message and pic I open of them (Erica and Andrea!)
-my wonderful cousin Gracie who is taking her "keep Mary smiling" job very seriously!
-possibly finding a temporary home for the next couple of months!

Lifetime Jewel:
-I've said it before, but I am truly humbled and overwhelmed at the support my friends and family have shown. The prayers, messages of concern and donations are more than I ever expected. I am glad that I have somehow, someway touched yours lives, even though it is merely a fraction of how you've touched mine. There are no better people in the world than you guys and I am so lucky to have all of you. When this battle is won, it will be because of you! Thank you!

Lucky Bamboo Jackpot!

Simply beautiful! Herman park beauty.

Thanks Ruben and Brittany! It was yum!!!

The sisters and my cheerleaders!

Herman Park!

Japanese Garden in Herman Park

Just call me a Houstonian

Sorry for the lapse in posts! Walking the Galleria mall really wiped me out yesterday! If you haven't see n that mall......it's huge! I fell into bed when we got back!
Yesterday wasn't all fun and games though. We met with the medical oncologist and received the first piece of our puzzle of treatment. Let's call him Dr. Mario (fans of super mario bros. have a clear pic painted in their minds) Dr. Mario laid out the course of treatment......6 weeks of daily radiation and once weekly chemo concurrently. Sounds doable, right?! I agree. I can do anything for 6 weeks. Now the question was, where would this be carried out? Dr. Mario said, " My-a part  could-a be done-a anywhere, here or a- Florida." (I may or may not have improvised on his accent....you'll never know!) Score! 1down, one to go! Next it was on to radiation.
We spent all morning putting together our argument for why treatment in west palm would be the best for me. We were ready to fight! Well it took all of 5 seconds for doctor wonderful to convince us that staying in Houston for treatment was the best option. So here I will be for the next 6-8 weeks. Ideal? No, but necessary. Brandt and I are working on how to make it possible for him and the kids to be out here as much as possible. I know it will work out!
So you're probably wondering, "What was Dr. Wonderful's compelling argument that made you roll over?" Well it had a few parts. 1. Dr. Wonderful would not be able to oversee my care from 1000 miles away. He could order his recommendation for treatment, but WPB doc could alter it as he saw fit. Not ok, we came all the way to MD Anderson because we trust their judgement and expertise. Not to have them order what they think is best and then someone else change it. 2. Having a care team under 1 roof, checking in on you daily or weekly: priceless. And when I say care team, I mean team. Doctors, nurses, residents, dietitians, support, ect.They all know you and make themselves available. 3. Also known as the one that sealed the deal. The technology matched with the thoroughness at MD Anderson is not available at home. I'll try not to get too technical on you guys but I have become a bit of an expert.....lol! Sike! Ok so.....there are 2 types of radiation out there. 1 standard, available everywhere, and 1 that is only available at a handful of places in the US. The type they will use for me is unknown right now, but what MD Anderson does is make a plan for both types (a very precise plan that involves scans and stuff like that) then they compare and contrast them to find which would be the most effective and safest for my specific needs. If I were to go home for treatment, there would be no comparing and contrasting of plans, there would just be 1 plan and that would be that! I like knowing that being here I won't be limited by available technology, at home I might be.
So that is that. Houston it is. The plan is to go home for a week and be back here to begin treatment the 17th.Who's coming to visit? :)

Hurdles:
-being away from home and family for 6-8 weeks

Jewels:
-a plan! I see the light at the end of the tunnel!
-skyp chat with my wonderful fam
-again, the amazement I felt at the overwhelming support I continue to receive from everyone out there. It is beyond humbling.

Give me 12 hours.

Today was procedure day and although the results coming out of it were not what we were hoping for, I breezed through it like a champ. It's never easy being put under, especially for someone like me with my crazy racing heart, but it went well. Once I was awake and fully aware, the doctor came out and told us that the preliminary results of the biopsy showed that the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes on the left side of my lungs too. blah. Like I said, not what we were hoping for but not the end of the world either. I'll admit, it did feel like I got kicked in the stomach for a minute or two. The doctor's advice was to give it 12 hours. Feel sad, get mad, cry, scream, whatever....but only for 12 hours then get back in the ring and continue the fight.
Tomorrow we meet the medical oncologist to, hopefully, lay out the plan. Fingers crossed! Down the road we will talk about looking into the mutated gene that possible caused this. Apparently I must have crossed paths with a radioactive spider at some point in my life! Who knows, this mutated gene might also turn me into spiderman later in life! Oh excuse me, spiderwoman :) But seriously, that's what the doctors are looking into because when a cancer like this shows in a young, non smoker, a gene mutation is usually responsible. As it was explained to me, everyone can have cells with mutated genes but usually the immune system eradicates those cells. In my case, a cancer grew. I was assured that it was nothing I did or that was inherited, it was completely random. Lucky me! The good news is that there has been a lot of research and medical advancement in this area of gene mutations and not to mention, success! This will be something we explore further down the road but it's good to know that I'm not a freak of nature!
Although the day started off shaky, it ended with lots of laughs thanks to my friends and family who always know the right thing to say. Special thanks to a few of my dream team Jenni, Anna and Erica! Love you guys!
Huh, turns out I didn't need 12 hours after all! Game on!

Hurdles:
-those damn lymph nodes!

Jewels:
-irreplaceable friends and family
-french fries.....YES I fell off the wagon, sue me! :)
-most importantly, the huge out pour of support I was surprised with from family and friends, old and new, I love each and every one of you and can't even begin to thank you for your donations, kind words, and love. It has brought me to tears more than once today in such a good way. My heart is full! Thank you!

Sorry I didn't have any pics today. I'll try to make up for it tomorrow! But just to let you know...I look the same as I did yesterday :)

Drink a glass of water for me!

Why is it that the minute someone tells you not to do something, that is all you want to do?! My instructions were clear...don't eat or drink anything after midnight. I'm thirstier now than I've ever been! Tomorrow morning is going to be torture. Drink a glass of water for me! At 11 a.m tomorrow I'll be checking in for the EBUS, which is the procedure where they will go in and biopsy the lymph nodes in the lung area. As I mentioned before, this will tell us which treatment path we will take. Unfortunately the results will take a couple of days. We're getting good at waiting!
Today was productive. After a morning of appointments at MD Anderson, we did a little shopping and then ended the day with a man flipping shrimp tales into is hat. What? That sounds strange to you?! ;) That man was actually our chef at Bennihanas :) makes sense now, huh?! Now I think I know why I'm so thirsty, damn soy sauce!

Hurdles:
-I'm thirsty

Jewels:
-met another great team of docs (doogie howser and dr. fahja "like da fahja on austin powers gold member....he even talked like him....I almost lost it while talking to those two!
- receiving touching and inspiring messages from friends today :) thanks guys!

Welcome back to Houston

Ignorance is bliss! Although I'm excited to be back in Houston and to get the ball rolling again, there is a little knot in my stomach because now I know answers are coming and treatment decisions will need to be made. This last week at home has been bliss! I was so busy living that I barely had time to remember that I'm beginning a battle.  Now it's back to work and time to put on my big girl pants and face this thing! Each day this week we should get another small piece of the puzzle. Tuesday's procedure will tell us the path that will need to he taken to whoop this! My mom's tag line lately has been, "you can't go over it, you have to go through it." And so I will. Don't worry, I'll be armed with positivity, friends, family, and of course green veggie juice!
So here we are in Houston again and it almost feels like we never left! These streets feel so familiar! I'm super close to putting on a cowboy hat, saying "yeee haw", and calling myself a local! We moved through the city with ease this afternoon and even ventured off our normal route! We're crazy! After a nice dinner and a quick trip to Kroger ( that's the grocery store Florida people), we've settled in to the hotel for the evening. Good thing because the temperature dropped within an hour and it's freezing outside! This Florida baby is shivering! Before you make fun of me I want you to know that the low is like 40 something tonight! Burrrrrrr! Time to bundle up and watch the Oscar's! Goodnight!

Hurdles:
- leaving Brandt and the babies yet again! And on Riley's birthday to boot!

Jewels:
-a smooth, safe flight
-the weather change, although freezing, is refreshing
-my rock star of a husband who makes it a little easier to be away because I know he has everything under control on the home front. love you babe!
-the automatic save function on this tablet! I just had a panic moment where I thought I lost this whole post! Whew!

My everything!

Hello old friend! Houston skyline. 

Day........ What Day is it? :Back to Life

I knew coming home for a bit would be good for my soul! Once I got back into my old routines I barely even remembered I am battling this little beast called cancer. Yes, little beast because when I am cuddling with my kids, making, lunches, doing laundry, cooking meals, cleaning the house, doing the shopping and other daily jobs it becomes a distant thought in my mind. They say to keep living my life, and I definitely am! By the time the kids are in bed I fall into bed myself! No time to dwell on it!

Thanks to my dad and Erika, we had another wonderful distraction (which is another reason I haven't posted in a few days.) We are now Disney World Annual Pass holders and we broke them in this weekend. Florida folks know how exciting this is :) Now we can drop into Disney anytime we want for the next 365 days. These passes also take the "oh my god, I just paid $100 to get in this park I'm doing EVERYTHING, I'm closing this place down" mind set. Or as Brandt likes to call it, The Disney Death March. We actually left the park while the sun was still out because hey, we can come back next weekend if we want to! So needless to say, my mind didn't give any time to cancer this Saturday and Sunday. It was all about seeing the smiles on Jude and Riley's faces at the happiest place on earth!

Schedule Update: As I mentioned in an earlier post we're heading back to Houston this weekend. I found out yesterday that the week will be jam packed with MD Anderson fun. Monday: consult (cardiopulmonary), Tuesday: EBUS ( the biopsy of my lymph nodes), Wednesday: Day off, Thursday: radiation consult (just getting our ducks in a row, in case), and Friday: medical oncologist (hopefully, still waiting for conformation on that one). We fly out on Sunday from Tampa.

Nutrition Update: Still going strong! I'm doing my juicing (kale, broccoli, spinach, celery, cucumber, lemon, ginger, green apple is my go to every morning) Even Brandt is eating the crazy good salads I've been making for lunches. I didn't even fall off the wagon at Disney where smells of funnel cakes, french fries, and hamburgers fill your nose! I may or may not have swiped a couple of Jude's fries....don't judge! I only call that dangling my toe off the wagon!

Hurdles:
-getting everything in order for next week's trip

Jewels:
-Disney weekend (thanks again Dad and Erika!)
-Being home with my family
-mastering this juicing thing!

Day 5: Operation Green Fridge....check!

Well we have successfully cleaned out Whole Foods, or what we like to call it Whole Paycheck! The fridge is stocked with every vegetable and sprout imaginable and the juicer has been properly broken in as of this afternoon. The plan is choke out this cancer with good nutrition. That is easier said than done though. Prior to this I did consider myself an ok eater. I ate my vegetables, whole grains, and fruits. I tried to be balanced in my meal planning and believed in moderation. I can take or leave meat and sweets (but I usually take them, peer pressure is hell!). I banned McDonalds and those years ago! Fine! Maybe there were 1 or 2 "late night" ,and later regretted, Taco Bell stops over the past couple of years (remember, there's only 1 reason to stop at Taco Bell past midnight, I don't have to say it!) Where do the changes come in then? That leaves me to look at my vices: cheese and starches! Noooooooooooooooo! Everything tastes better between 2 slices of bread and smothered in cheese! Which is where the tough part comes in. This isn't a change that will happen over night but I am working very hard to move in the right direction. So if you see me sprinkling cheese on my salad or on top of bowl of beans, don't judge!!!! The goal is to try to spread these situations farther and farther apart. In the mean time, I will be juicing anything and everything that isn't nailed down and amping up the fresh veggies with every meal. I'm on my way! Who's coming with me?

Dose of reality: Wheat Grass shots, great in theory! But they are an acquired taste to say the least! Today I took my first one and even though my stomach almost rejected it, I'll be doing it again tomorrow. I hear it gets easier, but wow! It tasted like fresh mowed grass straight from the lawn mower! Stay tuned to find out if it really does get easier!

Today's Hurdles:
-These diet changes are a bit overwhelming

Today's Jewels:
-I have a stocked fridge with everything I need to begin this journey (thanks aunt deb, my health guru!)
-I had a full day of this new, healthier menu.....and survived!

Part of the Load

-I kept the wheat grass down....despite my stomach's protests!

Jewels rule!

Kale, Spinach, Celery, cucumber & Lemon Juice...I'll get used to it :)

Day 4: There's no place like home!

The waiting will continue but now it will be from the comfort of my own home, with my family! As promised, the MD Anderson scheduler called me bright and early. Unfortunately his news was not exactly what we were hoping for. The bronch is now scheduled, but not until March 3rd!  That's over 1 week away! At first we were all very discouraged, but then we realized that it's actually a blessing in disguise. As you could probably tell, I was missing Brandt and the kids something fierce! It's going to be good for my soul to be able to see their faces each day!
I'm not going to lie though....at first I worried about waiting yet ANOTHER week or so. I want this out of me! I don't want it to grow and spread! I want to be healthy again! To calm these fears, I was reassured that cancer spreads over months and years, not days and weeks :) So March 3rd it is! We'll head back to Houston next weekend and try again.
As we wait this week we won't be sitting around doing nothing. The fight continues with or without the doctors and their fancy procedures. The focus this week: nutrition. As I mentioned earlier, this battle will be fought on many fronts. Stay tuned for posts of all the green juices, bunches of fresh veggies and other cancer fighting foods that will be making their way into my house and body this week! Brandt is going to kill me! Hmmmmm..............I wonder if Cheetos have cancer fighting properties? :)

Shout Out: Thanks to everyone for their comments, love and support. I'm so glad you're enjoying reading the blog. Each comment I read brings a smile to my face and inspiration to my heart.

Today's Hurdles:
-No bronch until March 3rd

Today's Jewels:

TBT: Back home with these crazies! Love them!

-I'm home with my family!!!!

The hurdles and jewels may be tied today, but for those of you that really, really know me you know that being home with family holds quadruple the weight of any hurdle I run into!!!! Jewels win again!

Bye, Bye Houston!

Day 3: Waiting....and waiting

Today we channeled our inner teenage girl.......we sat and waited by the phone, jumping every time it rang only to find it was another family member checking in to see if "we'd heard anything?" It's maddening to know something needs to be done and have no control over when it gets done. We did call and apply the pressure I promised yesterday, but didn't get far. According to the scheduler, pulm is the slowest moving department in the whole place.  With that being said, we were left with the guarantee that we'd hear from someone by 10 am tomorrow. Fingers crossed for a confirmed bronch for Friday! I'm ready to get this show on the road already!
Woo hoo for retail therapy though! We were able to squeeze in a little shopping today to help take our minds off the absence of that oh so important call. I'm super excited about my new Kris Carr book, Crazy Sexy Diet (thanks Erica and Tata for the recommendation!) I was so inspired by her first book, Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips, that I couldn't wait to snatch this one up. I realize that this battle isn't only going to be fought in the hospital, I have to strengthen my mind, body, and spirit. Kris Carr has given me the fuel to light that fire, well her and  the fact that life slammed me into a brick wall....lets just call it her though ;)

Dose of inspiration for my loving yet worried family back home: We've run into person after person here in Houston that are battling or have battled cancer,  many times far worse than what I'm facing, and are thriving! This is one battle I can win too (unlike the words with friends games against uncle joe.....what the crap?) I'm young, strong, and like my mom said......bitchy enough to sail through this!

Today's hurdles:
-no bronch scheduled yet
-as always....missing everyone back home, especially brandt and the kids

Today's jewels:
-jude is fever free.....daddy took good car of him!
-getting my new book
-hearing the inspirational stories of the other hotel guests

Close.....but luckily close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades! Sill a win! Go jewels ;)

day 2: "I'm not crazy, my mom had me tested!"

"I'm not crazy, my mom had me tested!"

I was woken up today with a call from C, Dr. W's PA, the MRI results were in and I indeed have a brain (my dad still isn't convinced, he wants a second opinion!) ;) More importantly the scan was clear! What a great way to wake up! The rest of the day was free from all the medical stresses. While we're still waiting for calls to schedule more tests we took our bit of good news and ran with it! Today we were carefree tourists. The weather was beautiful so we took advantage of it and spent the afternoon at the Houston Zoo. It turns out this city has more to offer than the drab landscape and sterile medical buildings we first associated it with. We look forward to exploring more of these gems hidden within the city!

Tomorrow team Hawes is back to work! We want to nail down the schedule for this bronch (the last test before we decide our course if treatment). Calls will need to be made and gentle pressure may have to he applied, but it's all in a days work! After that, who knows?! The Container Store has been calling my name!

"When life knocks you down, roll over and look at the stars."- thanks for the quote Jenni! Today I was able to do a lot of looking at the stars and it felt great!

Today's hurdles:
-saying good bye to my dad and aunt kathy as they headed back to wpb
-missing brandt and the kiddos
-not being there for my Jude dude who is sick with a 100.8 fever :(

Today's jewels:
-a clear MRI scan
-spending the day like a tourist rather than a patient
-getting out and enjoying the fresh air at the zoo with great company, thanks mom and aunt deb.

- sleeping until 10 am.......yeah I said it, 10!
-seeing the wonderful faces of brandt and the kiddos via skype

Jewels win again! Let's keep this streak universe!